What I Want
by xxxjoxxx
Summary: Early Season 6 fic. Liza and Charles are happy, enjoying their new relationship and the freedom to finally be together out in the open. Most people were happy for them, but previous flames can try and create bumps in the road.


**AN:** So this is a little S6 one-shot that came to me. I didn't write it to particularly follow on from any of my previous fics, but imagine it's about a month after the S5 finale and pre ILYs. I kind of feel like this is a scenario that may come up in S6, and if it does then this is how I'd like it to be handled.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it and I'd love to hear what you think! :)

* * *

LIZA

Liza lay in bed, her head resting on Charles's chest and his arm protectively wrapped around her shoulders, as his fingers traced lazy patterns on her back. The heat from his body seeped into hers and she smiled at the sound of the soothing, steady beat of his heart against her ear. It had been just over a month since their declarations in Bryant Park, and both literally and figuratively going out in the open, and their relationship had just gone from strength to strength. Without any conscious decision having been made, they'd fallen into a habit whereby they would very rarely spend a night apart now – whether they stayed here at Charles's brownstone or at her and Maggie's apartment, they would finish their days together, and much like they were now, they would fall asleep in each other's arms. It was a habit she very much loved.

"What are you thinking about?" she murmured, feeling beyond relaxed by his calming motions.

She heard him sigh happily. "Just about how many times I've imagined being here with you, like this, over the years…and how the reality is even better" he replied shyly.

He always managed to say the most perfect thing, without even realising - or trying. And the vulnerability in his voice just made his words that much more touching. "You weren't alone in imagining this" she replied softly.

Liza turned slightly and placed a kiss on his chest, right above his heart, and felt him smiling against her hair. It was times like these that she felt those three little words, that they hadn't verbalised just yet, bursting to get out. She loved him – so much, and she couldn't remember what it was like not to love him. She knew he cared deeply for her, and she was fairly sure he loved her too, but there was still a little bit of her that was scared of putting her feelings fully out there and having her heart totally exposed. Soon, she promised herself – soon she would pluck up the courage to tell him how much he meant to her.

Her phone vibrating on the nightstand snapped her out of her thoughts, and she frowned as she looked at the clock. It was after midnight – who would be calling her at this time? A rush of panic shot through her veins at the thought that Caitlin might be in trouble, so she hastily sat up and grabbed it. Her panic abated when she saw that it wasn't Caitlin, but she frowned again when she saw who was calling her.

"It's Josh" she told Charles, who was looking up at her. Liza silenced it and placed it back on the nightstand. "I'll call him back tomorrow."

Laying down again, Liza settled back into Charles's warm embrace. She hadn't been there for more than thirty seconds however before her phone started buzzing again. She rolled her eyes and sighed in annoyance, before looking apologetically up at Charles. "I'm sorry."

Charles gave her a small smile, "It's okay – answer it." He sat up with her as she reached over and picked her phone up once more.

" _Liza?"_

"Josh, is something wrong…is Kelsey okay?" she asked, figuring he wouldn't be calling at this time just for a chat.

" _Kelsey's fine, why wouldn't she be?"_

"Well it's kinda late, and you called me twice – I figured something must be wrong."

" _I thought we were friends - am I not allowed to call you anymore?"_ he replied sarcastically.

"We are…but friends don't tend to call each other at this time unless there's a problem."

" _I'm sorry, am I disturbing your night with Charles – that's where you are right?"_

Liza pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration – this conversation was going nowhere fast. "Josh – what did you want to talk to me about?"

Josh sighed loudly down the phone. _"I don't know how to be a dad Liza – I have a daughter and she cries all the time, and I don't know what to do."_

Liza felt a small wave of sympathy for him – he hadn't had the nine months to get used to the idea of being a parent before he was thrown head first into it, unlike she'd had with Caitlin. "That's totally normal – babies cry all the time, and no one knows what they're doing when they first become a parent."

" _I need your help Liza."_

"I'm happy to give parenting advice, but you don't need me – you're going to be just fine."

"… _Okay."_

"Goodnight Josh."

" _Night."_

Liza ended the call and turned back to Charles, taking his hand. "Sorry about that – he's freaking out a little about being a new father."

"I remember that feeling" Charles replied softly.

She knew Charles well enough to read the uncertainty and the questions running through his mind. She squeezed his hand. "He's just a friend" she reassured him.

Charles nodded and pulled her back into his embrace as they lay back down. "Let's get some sleep".

That wasn't the clarification that he believed her that she was hoping for, but she didn't push the subject further. Instead, she pulled his arms tighter around her, not leaving even a millimetre of space between them. She laced her fingers with his as she murmured softly, "I have everything that I want. I'm happy", repeating the words he'd said to her in Bryant Park back to him.

Liza felt him smile behind her and then a tingle ran down her spine as he placed a soft kiss at the nape of her neck. "Me too."

As she drifted off to sleep in his arms, where she fit so perfectly – in a space that seemed to have been made just for her, she hoped he knew how much he meant to her.

* * *

When morning rolled around Liza insisted on making Charles breakfast. He seemed fine and was his usual attentive self, but she felt a little guilty about her late-night phone call ruining the mood last night. As she stood over the stove flipping pancakes, he'd keep catching her eye, giving her that smile of his that never ceased to take her breath away, before going back to flicking through the New York Times. She loved these simple moments of happiness with him.

The buzzing of her phone on the breakfast bar next to Charles, disrupted their peacefulness however. Charles stiffened in his chair and she saw his jaw clench, so it didn't take a genius to figure out who was calling. His "It would seem more parenting advice is required" comment also gave her a clue.

Liza smiled apologetically at him before reaching for her phone and answering it. Josh was pretty much just reiterating everything he'd said last night. She sympathised with him, and if she was honest, she still harboured some feelings of guilt about how they ended. She no longer had any romantic feelings towards him, but she would like for them to be able to be friends. It was tough trying to balance that with working on a new relationship with someone else though. When he asked her to go around and help him with the baby, the cynical part of her brain wondered if he was just asking because he knew she was at Charles' house. She reluctantly agreed as it was her idea for them to be friends, and friends helped each other out, right?

When she hung up, she finished piling the pancakes onto a plate and set them down in between her and Charles at the breakfast bar. She knew he'd gotten the gist of her call as she'd stayed in the kitchen, not wanting it to look like she had something to hide by leaving the room.

"Thank you" he told her, gesturing at the pancakes.

"You're welcome" she replied, studying him as he sprinkled some cinnamon on his. "…Josh wants me to go round and help him with the baby."

Charles nodded but didn't say anything for a few moments, and she could see the cogs turning in his head. "You know he has Clare. And Kelsey and Lauren live there too…"

Liza placed her hand on top of his. "I know, but none of them have been mothers before. I think he just needs reassurance from someone who's been there, don't that and bought the t-shirt."

Charles paused again. "I don't think that's the only reason – he still loves you."

Liza sighed and squeezed his hand. She looked him straight in the eye as she told him resolutely, "He's moved on, and so have I – with you."

"…I just don't think his motives are entirely pure."

"Don't you trust me?" she asked, feeling a little offended. Did he not know how much she loved him, and that she couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else?...Well, she reasoned with herself, she hadn't actually told him that yet, so maybe he didn't.

"Of course I do" Charles replied, and she could tell that he meant it. She was glad because she thought they'd left the whole lying about her age thing in the past, and since they'd been together she hadn't given him any reason not to trust her. "…but I know what it's like to want to be with you and have to watch you be with someone else."

Liza appreciated him being open with her – she knew he was trying and that this was new for him, as by his own admission when things got tough, he had a tendency to shut down. She could see in his eyes the fear of being hurt again, and she couldn't really blame him after everything that happened with Pauline. But she wasn't Pauline, and she had no intention of hurting him.

Standing up she cupped his face with her hand and leaned down and kissed him on his forehead – just like he always did to her. "You have nothing to worry about. You have to trust me though. I won't be long."

He didn't say anything as she grabbed her jacket and walked to the door, and she really hoped he did trust her. She wanted this to work between them, so much, but if they were going to have any kind of chance then he had to be able to trust her.

* * *

Liza could hear the baby crying before Josh even opened the door. The frazzled look on his face and the scene of destruction, with bottles, bibs and toys scattered everywhere, that she was met with reminded her why she was perfectly happy for Caitlin to remain an only child. She loved babies, but her days of night feeds and diaper changes were thankfully over.

Walking over to the bassinet she cooed at the little girl, who's face was all red from screaming. Picking her up, her cries dissipated into quiet sniffles. "Are Kelsey and Lauren not around?" Liza asked as she bounced the baby on her hip.

"They offered to stay in, but I told them they may as well escape – they're just as clueless as I am and there's no point all of us getting headaches."

Liza felt a twinge of annoyance – he'd had two people willing to help him but he'd sent them away, instead getting her to trek all the way over here from the UES when it wasn't necessary. She picked up a bottle from the counter and put it in the baby's mouth.

"You're a natural" he added, smiling at her as the crying stopped.

"I've had a lot of practice. She was just hungry that's all."

Josh ran his hands through his hair. "I have no idea what I'm doing. I love her so much, but I just feel totally clueless!"

Liza gave him a small smile – she'd felt exactly the same when she first brought Caitlin home. "Every parent feels that way – we're all just doing the best we can and making it up as we go along. People have an idealistic view of parenthood before they have children, but the reality is much different – they cry and poop all the time, and you can kiss goodbye to a decent night's sleep for at least 5 years. But it's still the greatest thing you can ever do. Generally, if they're crying, they need feeding or changing.

Josh sighed, "It's hard doing it on my own."

"You're not on your own" she reassured him. "You and Clare are sharing the parenting, and you'll learn together. Kelsey, Lauren and Maggie are there to help as well. And I'm around to offer parenting advice too."

Josh looked up at her, "It would be easier doing it with you."

Liza sighed, realising that Charles had probably been right about Josh's ulterior motives for getting her to come over here. "Josh…you know that can't happen." She put the baby back in the bassinet, who was happy and content now that she'd had some food. ""Being a parent is never easy, but you have a lot of support around you. …I should get going."

Before she could reach the door, Josh grabbed her arm and stopped her. "Liza…whenever I thought about having a baby, I always wanted it to be with you. Why don't we give us another shot - we could bring up the baby together?"

Liza looked at him incredulously - he clearly hadn't paid attention to anything she'd said when they were together. "We would never have worked long term, and deep down you know that - we want different things. You want kids, and I don't want to go back to the start plate and do that all over again."

"You wouldn't have to - I already have a baby now, so you wouldn't need to have any" Josh persisted, seeming to genuinely believe it was that simple.

Liza sighed again, "You're missing the point."

She was startled and caught off guard when his response was to lean in and try to kiss her. Charles' face flashed through her mind and she pulled back just in time. "No. I can't" she told him firmly, taking a step back towards the door. Josh looked annoyed, but she was the only one who had the right to be annoyed - he'd seriously overstepped. "It doesn't matter if I've given birth or not - it's still starting from the beginning. I've done that with Caitlin - this is my time for me now. And I've said this before."

"You seem to be happy playing step-mom to Charles' kids" Josh snapped.

Liza glared at him, getting annoyed - he knew nothing about her relationship with the girls, and quite frankly it wasn't any of his business. "Yes, I love Nicole and Bianca, but they're 7 and 9 - they're grown kids who aren't totally dependent on anyone for survival. It's completely different to bringing up a baby. Plus, you know that's not the only reason we wouldn't have worked."

"Yeah, one of them is because you decided to get it on with your boss in the Hamptons."

Liza took a deep breath to try and control her temper. "Okay, this is the last time I'm going to apologise - I'm sorry for how we ended. But Charles wasn't the reason we broke up - even if that hadn't have happened, we would have broken up anyway. You know that."

"You know what, maybe you should just go" Josh replied angrily, yanking the door open. "Go back to Charles and the big brownstone and the cushy job."

Liza's eyes widened - he did not just say that. Anger coursed through her veins - no more treading on egg shells around him. She was done feeling guilty, and he was way out of line. "Don't even try and make out that this is about money - if you knew me at all you'd know I don't care about that. And everything I've achieved in my job, I've earned through hard work!" She paused and took a deep breath. "I want to be your friend Josh, and I'm happy to give parenting advice, but I'm with Charles now and you need to accept that."

She didn't give him chance to reply before walking out of the door.

* * *

Riding the subway back to the UES, Liza felt like a weight had been lifted. Josh had been way out of order and she'd effectively wasted her Saturday morning, but the whole debacle had served one purpose: it had made her see that she couldn't keep letting him walk all over her because she felt guilty for hurting him. The way he'd behaved today also just further highlighted the stark difference between him and Charles. Whilst Charles had been angry and hurt when he'd first found out about her age, with good reason, ever since he'd declared _"I don't care anymore"_ he'd never raised the issue again. Josh on the other hand could hold a grudge like no one she'd ever known, and she'd lost count of the number of times he'd thrown her past transgressions in her face whenever he was angry with her. Before she'd said nothing and let it slide, feeling like she deserved his ire, but no more. She'd like if they could be friends, but that depended heavily on his ability to grow up and leave the past behind him.

The walk from the subway to Charles' helped clear her head, and by the time she walked up the steps to the brownstone her annoyance had dissipated considerably. A small smile tugged at her lips as she pulled her keys out of her purse, no longer needing to press the buzzer as she now had the means to let herself in. Charles had casually given them to her about a week ago, reasoning that it would prevent her being stuck outside if he was running late. Whilst he tried to make it seem like not a big deal, she knew this was a significant step for him, and when she looked in his eyes and saw the hope and vulnerability emanating there, she was left with no doubt about how much this meant to him - to them. She'd thanked him and reassured him by pulling him into her arms and hugging him tightly; his relieved, happy laughter, music to her ears.

Liza closed the door behind her and hung up her coat, dropping her purse on the couch as she went in search of Charles. She found him in his study and she smiled fondly at the sight of him in his chair, one leg bent and resting on his knee, totally engrossed in a book. He hadn't noticed her yet, so she stood at the doorway and took a moment to study him. His hair was adorably ruffled and looked a little wet, so he must've not long had a shower. He was wearing a fitted denim shirt that brought out the blue specks in his green eyes, coupled with some dark navy jeans. Her smile widened when she saw that he was also barefoot. This was casual Charles, a side of him that very few people got to see, and she loved that she was one of those lucky few.

Charles must have sensed her eyes on him because he looked up and gave her a small smile. "Hey" he said softly, discarding his book on his desk and standing up. He ran his hands through his hair, in that way he always did when he was nervous or anxious. "Liza, I'm sorry about earlier if you thought I didn't trust you. I can assure you that I do, and I never want you to doubt that. …I admit I've always found it difficult seeing you with Josh, but I know that you're friends, and you're entitled to be friends with whoever you want."

Liza came into the room and closed the distance between them, needing to touch him. She felt bad that he'd probably spent the last couple of hours feeling bad because he thought he'd upset her. She took his hands in hers and smiled up at him. "Charles, you have nothing to apologise for." She paused before telling him the part she knew he wasn't going to like. "…You were right though, about Josh - he tried to kiss me." She saw him swallow and his eyes widen, so she rushed to continue, "I pushed him away before he could."

His sigh of relief was audible. He sat down on the edge of his desk and she stepped in between his legs, needing to be close to him. She felt him place his hands gently on her waist as he looked into her eyes. "Liza, are you sure this is what you want - that I'm what you want?" he asked softly, and it pulled at her heart.

Liza was slightly taller than him now with his seated position, so she cupped his cheek with her hand. Those words that she'd been wanting to say but had been waiting for the right moment, well this was the moment. She smiled, a joyous relief washing over her as the feelings that she'd been wanting to share with him for so long came bursting out. "I'm sure. You're the one that I want" she told him resolutely, leaving no room for doubt. She sighed happily as she continued, "You're the one that I love - the one I've loved for a very long time."

Charles' jaw dropped slightly and he looked at her with a mixture of awe and wonder, like he couldn't quite believe he could be so lucky. When he didn't respond after a few seconds she got a little nervous that maybe he wasn't ready, or he didn't feel that strongly about her yet. "…you don't have to say it back" she rambled, "I know we've only been together officially for a short time, and-"

That seemed to snap Charles out of his daze because he stood up and cut her off by fusing his lips with hers. She was caught off guard by the intensity of his kiss, and would have stumbled backwards were it not for his strong arm being wrapped around her waist. When they broke for air, both of their lips were swollen. He smiled warmly at her and tenderly brushed her cheek with his thumb. "I love you too" he replied in a breathless admission, and her face broke out into the biggest grin. It seemed to be a relief for him to say it too, and his smile matched hers as he proceeded to melt her heart with his words, "I've loved you for as long as I can remember. I don't know the exact moment I fell in love with you, but I do know I started falling the moment I first saw you having lunch at your desk, reading 'Look Homeward Angel'".

The need to kiss him again overwhelmed her, so wrapping her arms around his neck their lips met once more in a kiss that managed to be both passionate and gentle at the same time. As they got lost in each other, she wondered briefly why she'd waited so long to tell him, because this - hearing him reciprocate her feelings, hearing him say _'I love you too'_ was the best feeling in the world.


End file.
